Under Pressure by Lisa Damour and related titles

UNDER PRESSURE by Lisa Damour is one of those books that we cannot keep on our shelves, despite owning multiple copies.  Damour, who also wrote Untangled about guiding teenage girls to adulthood, discusses “Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls” in her latest title.  She draws from her experiences as a clinical psychologist and writes in a conversational tone about the issues girls face, especially how anxiety “seems to have spun out of control.” While acknowledging that “anxious feelings are becoming more prevalent among all young people,” she cites research that indicates this is happening at a faster pace for girls.  Damour succinctly contrasts stress (“usually refers to the feeling of emotional or mental strain or tension”) and anxiety (“usually refers to the feeling of fear, dread, or panic”).  There is an entire chapter related to girls at school where she highlights the findings that “teenagers with a stress-build-strength mindset were much less upset by difficult life events … than those with a stress-does-harm mindset” and acknowledges that (1) recovery strategies are highly personal although (2) having one is vital because “intellectual growth depends on doing both hard work and replenishing one’s reserves.”

UNDER PRESSURE contains roughly twenty-five pages of note, plus recommended reading related to EACH chapter for parents and girls (the latter seems more geared to middle school or early high school readers, however).  For more examples of Damour’s thoughts, check out this profile from KQED and her recent New York Times articles:  2/12: How to Help Teens Weather Their Emotional Storms or 2/7:  Why Girls Beat Boys at School and Lose to Them at the Office  or 1/16: How to Help Tweens and Teens Manage Social Conflict

BRAVE, NOT PERFECT by Reshma Saujani is subtitled “Fear Less, Fail More, and Live Bolder.” Saujani, the founder and CEO of Girls Who Code stresses that “boys are taught to be brave, while girls are taught to be perfect” and that results in women who are afraid to fail. In this text, she shares events from her own life, like her 2010 unsuccessful run for Congress, to encourage others to take risks. Additional examples tend to be grounded in popular culture, such as one chapter which refers to Helen Mirren, Chelsea Manning and Taylor Swift. Saujani’s advice is meant to be entertaining and memorable, with sections titled “In a World Full of Princesses, Dare to be a Hot Dog” or “Strategy: Start Before You’re Ready.” However, she makes many serious points: “risky acts – like taking an unpopular stand – might be scary, but they often end up being the ones that are most appreciated and celebrated.” You can read an excerpt here.

 

Notes on a Nervous Planet by Matt Haig

NOTES ON A NERVOUS PLANET is another excellent work by Matt Haig (Reasons to Stay Alive).  He returns to the discussion of mental health, but focuses on stepping away from technology and the frenetic pace of modern life. He says “we have to remember:

          There is no shame in not watching news.

          There is no shame in not going on Twitter.

          There is no shame in disconnecting.”

Haig offers numerous suggestions and writes in a calm, comforting voice. He parallels much of the work on stress management and technology addiction that we have been discussing (such as Twenge’s iGen). I particularly liked his poignant observations about education: “we are being taught a kind of reverse mindfulness. A kind of Future Studies where – via the guise of mathematics, or literature, or history, or computer programming, or French – we are being taught to think of a time different to the time we are in.  Exam time. Job time. When-we-are-grown-up-time.”

Noting that “it sometimes feels as if we have temporarily solved the problem of scarcity and replaced it with the problem of excess,” he also echoes comments in the recent New York Times article from Cal Newport on “Steve Jobs Never Wanted Us to Use our iPhones like This.” Throughout, Haig is courageous in confronting his (and readers’) anxiety: “Worry is a small, sweet word that sounds like you could keep an eye on it.” NOTES ON A NERVOUS PLANET is a very accessible text which asks some tough questions (“How do you stay human in a world of change?”) which Kirkus described as an “often wise and inspiring self-help title.”

Alone Time ... Take off your Shoes... Just As You Are

Well, it is summer and a chance to kick back and reflect a bit.  Here are three texts which deal with being good to yourself – and the first two offer some travel ideas as well. 

ALONE TIME by New York Times columnist Stephanie Rosenbloom is the non-fictional account of her solo travels to four cities: Paris, Istanbul, Florence and New York, one in each of the four seasons. Rosenbloom advocates for time alone and cites research that says, “even fifteen minutes spent by ourselves, without electronic devices or social interaction, can decrease the intensity of our feelings, leaving us more relaxed, less angry, and less anxious.”  Although her text is a kind of reflective travelogue, with varied focus on food, beauty, knowledge and home, she does devote about fifteen percent of the book to notes and refers to social science writing by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (Flow) or Pew Research Center, for example.  ALONE TIME is a diverting read and I would be curious to also see her thoughts about less urban destinations. Her chapter with advice about tips and tools is definitely worth a look – places to stay, games and apps, etc. are outlined – and she again promotes the ideas of trying something new and valuing unscheduled time so as to better focus on the present moment.   

TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES by Ben Feder is about “One Man’s Journey from the Boardroom to Bali and Back.” Feder is a Harvard Business School graduate and formerly CEO of Take Two Interactive (publisher of Grand Theft Auto) and this debut memoir chronicles events surrounding his decision to take a months-long sabbatical in order to foster self-improvement and rebuild family relationships. TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES is another text about personal growth and living in the moment; however, it also shows how family members reconnected and even goes further to addresses environmental concerns and cultural differences. Sadly, we cannot all stop work and head to Indonesia’s Bali with “just about the friendliest people on Earth,” but do take advantage of overseas assignments if offered. In the meantime, one can learn from Feder’s observations about the value of yoga, meditation and drawing as we continue our own journeys to balance personal and professional lives.   

JUST AS YOU ARE by Michelle Skeen and Kelly Skeen is subtitled “a teen's guide to self-acceptance and lasting self-esteem.” It fits perfectly with the recent New York Times article that we have shared with many of our high school advisories (homerooms): “Why You Should Stop Being So Hard on Yourself” by Charlotte Lieberman. She suggests 3 steps to self-compassion: meditation to let negative thoughts go, consciously being kinder to oneself, and reflecting on how it feels to engage in self-criticism versus letting it go. No doubt, the Skeens would agree and they, too, offer numerous exercises (Try This! Sections) in JUST AS YOU ARE.  They, too, remind readers that “mindfulness can help you stay present with your current experience rather than reacting based on past failures.” Other main messages include "Stop comparing yourself to others--you're special just as you are!" and “You are not alone.” The mother-daughter authors offer timely, relevant examples and speak directly to teens although the tone turns a bit of a preachy at times (“when you are solid in your values, you are less likely to feel overpowered by the opinions and criticisms of others”). This publisher (New Harbinger) offers numerous titles geared for teens and members of our faculty especially liked The Grit Guide for Teens.

So … deep breaths… happy thoughts … and keep reading as you enjoy your summer!